Life Transitions 101: What They’re not Telling you in School

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I’m starting to wonder why there is no class you can take that teaches you how hard it is to transition from college to the real world. Ok, maybe saying that having a class would make it all better is a little naive, but I wasn’t prepared at all for the lifestyle change post college life.

For traditional college students, most of us have been in school for as long as we can remember. That’s what we know. That’s what we do. That’s what we have always done. So to strip us of all we’ve known for 20 or so years with no preparation is pretty weak.

Reading over this I have to interject against what I’m sure critics will read into. What I’m referring to are the people who will comment and say something along the lines of “Well, we’re adults, so we have to start taking control of our own lives and we can’t expect everyone to baby us along the way and help us make the transition.” Duly noted, critics.

Yes, life is all about progression and being thrown head first into the deep end of the pool can often be a great learning experience. My point here, though, is that if everyone is going through the same transitional shock, why isn’t there some sort of — I don’t know — support group for us 20-somethings?

I guess my main peeve with this situation is that I don’t feel prepared for the life I’ve gotten myself into. My parents and teachers always told me growing up that all I had to do was stay in school, get good grades, get a college degree and I’d be on the path to happiness and wealth. A little bit of false hope there, rents? Maybe that was the case 20 years ago, but these days, what do you do with a B.A. in English?

(Aside to reader: I don’t actually have a BA in English, but I have to urge you to watch this clip from the amazing Broadway show, Avenue Q.)

So let’s create “Life Transitions 101: Dealing with the change from college to the real world.” Topics to cover will include finding a job, dealing with working somewhere you’ll probably hate at first, adjusting to demographic changes (when you realize you don’t know anyone in the town you moved to and are debating moving back to your college town), along with deciding if you really SHOULD get a post grad degree or if that’s just your way of going back to what you know.

Ok, ok — even if this class existed no one would probably take it and it might not actually make the transition any easier, but we can dare to dream, right?

Decision Making from the Experts

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I’m a horrible decision maker. Watch me at the grocery store trying to decide between something as trivial as what kind of spaghetti sauce to buy and you might cringe when you imagine how long it takes for me to make a life decision.

Unfortunately for me, it’s during your 20-somethings when you actually have to start making some big decisions. It starts out with choosing a college, then picking a major and then a whirlwind of choices creep up on you after graduation. After reading Dan Healy’s latest blog, I started to think about how I approach the decision making process. Like Dan, I have reached out to my close family and friends as I try to make life decisions at this critical point in time.

Though I’ve always thought gaining outside opinions would help me in my decision making process, the more I realize is that in the end, there is only one person who can make my decisions for me: me.

In my latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine (yes, make fun of me for quoting Cosmo now), Life Coach and 20-something expert Christine Hassler advises 20-somethings to build their decision muscles during their quarter life crises. (I am willing to argue that nearly all 20-somethings will have this ‘quarter life crisis’ either when they graduate or are deciding on a career path.)

In the article, Hassler suggests that we make all of our decisions alone — from the trivial (yet seemingly life altering) work dilemmas to simply choosing what to order at dinner. To me, this seems impossible — what’s wrong with asking someone what looks good on the menu?! Although in the end, I have to agree with Healy:

“Knowing when to ask for help and when to go it alone is actually a way to get more done and be better at what you do.”

The same advice from both a 20-something and an expert on 20-somethings. Do we need more convincing?

Gen Y Driven by Affirmation?

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Generation Y. We’re an interesting breed, no doubt, and we’re used to getting recognized…whether or not we deserve it.

When I was little I played softball for seven years — and I have seven trophies to show for it. Was I particularly good at softball? Absolutely not. But did I get a trophy every year? You betcha.

Fast forward to college. I worked as a student fundraiser for the University of Oregon. We were all students, and we were all Generation Y-ers. We had a day where our supervisors gave awards to boost our morale — and oh yes, everyone got an award.

So how does that shape me, a 22 year old recent grad entering the job market? I’ve been getting praise and recognition ever since I could pick up a baseball bat and I’ve always managed to get noticed. I’ve always managed to work a little harder, make myself stand out in some way so that in the end, I get a proverbial pat on the back.

It’s always been about school or work for me. That’s where I’ve always gotten my affirmation, so that’s always been where I’ve worked hard. If I worked hard on a paper and I got an A, that was all the affirmation I needed.

So now school is done. Grades are over, and no one is handing me a shiny trophy of a girl playing baseball. I spend a couple of hours on a cover letter and no one writes back to offer me the Pulitzer Prize for such a phenomenal piece of work (along with a job, of course). Lately I’ve been noticing that I’m putting the majority of my time into going to the gym — I can feel myself improving and get compliments about how hard I’ve been working.

I always thought I was a really academic person and a really hard worker. I still do, but I’m starting to wonder where my motives are coming from. Is the reason I worked hard in school because I got affirmation for my work? If I take a job where I get no feedback will I ultimately fail? Am I categorizing myself into the Gen Y stereotype so much that I’m over analyzing? Ok, maybe a little, but this whole “transitional” period between school and work makes you think. I guess, in the end, our actions speak louder than words, and we’ll just have to see where I float off to in life.

The Job Search: What NOT to do

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All throughout college I heard the same thing about getting a job once I graduated. Actually, it kind of got annoying after a while. “Get an internship, go to mock interviews, network!” It started day one of my freshman year, and continued until my very last day as a student. After three years of the same info over and over again, I have to admit I started to tune out. You can only hear the same things so many times before you get it, right?

Apparently…wrong. I formally started the job search on January 22nd (yes, I know the exact date, thank you). It’s now March 7th, and I think I’ve finally figured it out. Sure I’ve been told all the things I should do when job hunting, but I never got a solid list of things NOT to do. So, after six weeks of job hunting, here’s a few pitfalls I’d try to avoid.

HAVE A ROUTINE
The upside of searching for a job when you’re in school or when you’re already employed is that you still have your daily schedule to follow. Get up, feed your cat, go to class, call your mom — whatever it is you do. The first few weeks of job searching I found myself with absolutely no obligations, with my sole priority being one thing: FIND A JOB. I poured my heart, soul and time into job searching and after a few days of no results, it was almost impossible not to get down on myself. So I started going to the gym, took a yoga class, etc. Simply by having other goals that allowed me to see results upped my self confidence and distracted me from what can often be a difficult time.

DON’T GET LAZY
Ok, so I was going to the gym and I was job searching. I just happen to be a 24 Hour Fitness member, so that meant I could work out till 2 am and sleep till…noon or so. And then what’s the point of getting dressed when I’m just going to the gym later? There was definitely a week where I lived in pajamas and gym clothes. So I decided to take a part time job, which forced me to get up, get dressed and not sleep 12 hours a night. Even if you have to take an awful call center job where you have to recruit people for market research…trust me. It helps.

GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER
It takes some guts, but after you send that initial resume and cover letter, shut your laptop and pick up your phone. I didn’t do it for weeks because those stupid Craigslist ads say no phone calls, but if you send a follow up email and you KNOW you’re qualified, my advice would be to just go for it. Or better yet, go in to the organization with a copy of your resume to make sure it was received. I was able to score an interview by doing just that — a much higher rate of success than any email I’ve sent.

Last but not least..

STAY CONFIDENT
The job search is full of rejection, and it’s going to be that way no matter how awesome you are. Don’t let rejection get you down, and keep in mind that the right job will eventually crop up. I know I sound like Positive Polly here, but hopefully if you avoid the aforementioned pitfalls I fell into, it won’t be as bad.

www.brazencareerist.com

You might notice an addition to my blog sidebar…see that Brazen Careerist logo? Click it. Now. It’s a seriously cool compilation of young Gen Y bloggers that for some reason has to decided to feature me with 49 other young bloggers. I still have no idea why I was considered cool enough to be a part of this, and I guess I didn’t really realize how awesome it was until I saw the site launch today.

I actually feel kind of bad about it. When I get the invitation from Ryan Healy (check out his blog, Employee Evolution — it’s awesome), I wasn’t really sure if it was legit and asked one of my instructors at the time what to think (she’s my go to lady for social media questions). She assured me it was a killer opportunity, but I didn’t realize how killer until today.

So after a few months of lazy blogging, it’s time to get down and dirty. It seems like the best opportunities seem to come up when you least expect them, and I definitely didn’t expect this. I’ve been placed in a category of 50 bloggers, some of who have been blogging for years and are pretty well known. As far as I go, this is my 25th (?) blog post…a blog that was started for a class project. It’s not often you get the chance to be recognized, especially by someone as well known as Penelope Trunk.

So thanks to everyone who put in all the hard work for the Brazen Careerist network, and thanks to everyone who had a say in inviting me. Now let’s just hope someone besides my mom cares what I have to say (love you, mom).